Oops, I did it again…

So, as I sit here on this very rainy afternoon, I just accidentally signed up for a 50-miler next month, Iron Legs 50. Someone recently asked me how is it that I could “accidentally” sign up for something, and the answer is, well, because I just do it without thinking it through all the way. You see, if I sat and thought things through all the way, I probably would never do anything. I’d be glued to my chair filled with fear and anxiety. Instead I do the signing up first, and let the fear and anxiety take over after the fact. Because, the fear and anxiety work for me. If I wasn’t scared, I probably wouldn’t do the kind of training I need to do. A little bit of fear goes a long way towards motivating me to get out the door.

Some people say you shouldn’t let yourself be ruled by fear, and while I don’t think we should ever let fear rule our lives, I think that in many cases fear is what allows us to do our best at something. People, in general I think, are afraid of failure. We want to do well, we don’t want to fail. This makes us train harder, work harder, study harder, whatever the case may be. I have this little affliction called anxiety disorder, which, at the crux of it, is fear. I know there’s a lot more to it than that, but really most of anxiety is worry and being afraid of the “what if’s”, often it is an unfounded fear, sometimes it is based in real things going on in my life, and sometimes I have no idea what is causing it. It is ever present, and if I let it, it could easily take over my life. At times it has. With the help of a good counselor, I have learned, for the most part, how to manage it on a day to day basis. Part of managing it though, is doing the things that scare me. I feel like if I do things that scare me, I can control my anxiety rather than letting it control me. Don’t get me wrong, I still have days when it’s hard to leave the house, or when I have to walk out of the grocery store before I am done shopping, but in this one little corner of my life, I feel like I am in control of my anxiety, of my fear. Doing something, accidentally on purpose, that I know is scary, that I know will cause anxiety, but being prepared for it as well as I can be, helps me manage the burden of anxiety. I am normally a very private person, so just putting this out there right now is causing that knot of anxiety to form. It’s scary, but I’m doing it anyway.

Thus, I accidentally-on purpose do things that I know will cause me the gut-wrenching feeling of anxiety. If it’s a race, I train, and prepare, and often over-prepare as a way of controlling this demon. My family can attest that, leading up to a big event, I sometimes get a little bit nutso. I go through the “what-ifs”, sometimes even the most absurd things that run through my mind. “What if I’m last?” “What if it’s too hard?” “What if I can’t do it?” “What if I fall down the mountain?” “What if I get stuck in the mud and a tribe of cannibals finds me and rescues me only to put me in their cooking pot and have me for dinner?” (Seriously, I asked this!). I have such a great family though, that they patiently sit and let me rant and answer my questions…somebody has to be last, it won’t be too hard, you can do it, you’ve trained as best as you can, try not to fall down the mountain, but if you do someone will rescue you, if the cannibals eat you, we’ll miss you. Before I ran my leg of Sinister 7 last weekend, my daughter Clare cheerfully told me “Don’t fall down the mountain in the dark mom, love you!”

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And so, on this rainy day in a long string of rainy days, I accidently pushed the button and signed up for a 50 miler next month. Do I feel a little knot of fear when I think about it? You bet I do. I did the short course 60 km version of this race last year, and it is hard, with a heck ton of steep and technical terrain. The long course 50 miles even more so. It’ll be super hard. But I pushed the button and registered anyway, because that’s what I do. There is a line from a song by the band Awol Nation that says “never let your fear decide your fate”. And I really try not to. I do things that scare me. Get out there and do something that scares you…it’s always worth it. Just keep moving forward.

photo by Raven Eye Photography

Jungle Ultra Race Report, part 2

A few weeks ago I completed Beyond the Ultimate’s  Jungle Ultra in Peru for the second time. Check out part 1 of my report here.

Stage 3

The first time I did the Jungle, stage 3 was the “hard one” for me, the only one that reduced me to tears and made me have doubts, so as the day began for stage 3 I was nervous. I had built it up in my mind, but because I knew what to expect, I also came into it with a plan. Stage 3 begins with a little jaunt down the road, and then straight onto a zip-line. In order to shorten the wait time for the zip-line, the start was staggered, with the faster runners beginning 15 minutes before the rest of us. As it was, that still meant a 15 or so minute wait at the zip-line, which nobody really seemed to mind. It was fun watching others go across while chatting with friends and anxiously waiting my turn. Finally it came my time, and I was kitted up with a harness and a helmet. Three of us piled onto the zip-line platform and were pulled across the river by some very hard-working members of the Peruvian team. It was fun and exciting, but over all too quickly, and away we went running into the jungle

.BtU Jungle - Stage 3 - Mikkel Beisner (140 of 253)

This stage is called “Logging” for the logging roads that we spent most of the day running on. The first roads were maybe what would come to mind when you think of a logging road. A rough road, in this case carved out of the bright red shale of the area. After that though, “road” is a term that is used very loosely. Kilometer after kilometer of track, thick, slippery mud down the middle with deep mud filled trenches on either side. One wrong step would find you knee deep or more in the grooves on either side of the narrow track. It was exhausting and seemed to go on forever. After finally finishing up this grueling section, the course moves back out onto the regular rough track that passes for a road in this part of the world. It is a relief to finish with the mud, but once on the road, there is scarce cover from the beating sun and it gets really, really hot. However, once again thanks to my heat training, I registered that it was really hot, but it didn’t really bother me. I enjoyed the first flat stretch of road, seeing first a troop on spider monkeys crashing through the canopy, then later one of tiny squirrel monkeys. One more check point, then came the part I had been dreading. The hill.

This hill, first time ‘round, was where I fell apart. I had worked so hard in the muddy section, then came to this long, hot hill, several kilometers in length. This time though, I was ready for it. I had held back a bit all day getting ready to climb this hill. And guess what? It wasn’t nearly as bad as I had been anticipating! I did a ton of hill work in my training, plus the heat training, and this time I was ready for it. Up, up, up I went, no problem. I was at the top before I knew it, and from the top I could see the village of Santa Rosa, our camp for the night. Last year, I cried all the way down that hill. I was so tired, and it just felt like I would never get there. That’s why when another runner passed me on the way down and asked me if it was far, I said yes. In my memory, it was so far. In reality, it was not really that far at all and I was able to run the whole way down and into the village. I came to the finish line for the stage with my arms raised, whooping in triumph because I slayed my personal dragon that day. Kris, who knew my struggles with this leg the first time, shouted something about me making stage 3 my bitch. It just felt really good.

As I was sitting, drinking my recovery drink, some of the village ladies were hefting my pack and giggling about how heavy it was. I just sat and took it in, enjoying them and enjoying seeing a couple of kids playing with soccer balls I had collected, and just trying to relish where I was and what I had done that day. It felt pretty great.

Soon though, it was time to head over to the hammock stations and set up my camp, rinse off the mud in the showers, get my food, and prepare for the night. As I was doing all of this, the rain started, and boy did it rain. And rain. I kept my fingers crossed that I had done a good enough job with my hammock and rain fly to keep me dry through the night…something else I had practiced for, but not really been able to try out properly. Thankfully, my set-up worked and I was able to stay dry, a good thing because the rain did not let up all night.

Stage 4

The morning of stage 4 started where the night left off…we awoke early, in the darkness, to the still pouring rain. We were to have a 5:30 start that day, but because it was raining so hard that was delayed so the trails could be checked to ensure they were still safe and passable. We got the word that the trails were good to go, and we would be setting off at 7:00. After packing up wet hammocks and gear and huddling inside a building waiting for word, we were all anxious to get going.

7:00 finally came, and off we went, into the wet jungle. The first part of the stage was not too bad, kind of fun even, the trails were in decent shape, and even though it was still pouring, nobody seemed to mind too much. Then we hit the mud. Endless steep ups and downs in the slickest mud you can imagine. It was impossible to keep on my feet at times. I would take a tiny little step and think I was ok, and next thing I knew I would be on my butt, sliding unstoppably down a hill. Or I would be ok, but then the person behind me would go down into a slide and take me out with them. At times, I just sat down and slid on purpose because it was the only way I could see to get down. It was treacherous, to say the least, and because I was near the back of the pack, the trail was totally churned up by the time I got there. It poured rain for probably half the day…at one point there was a reprieve in the mud as a boat took us across the river, and looking out from the boat, the rain was just a sheet of water over the jungle. After running up a beautiful black sand beach, it was back into the mud.

BtU Jungle - Stage 4 - Mikkel Beisner (151 of 191)

The rain finally let up, though the slick mud was there to stay. Beautiful waterfalls and little river crossings marked the way, and when I wasn’t trying to stay alive and on my feet, I remembered to stop and take in the beauty of where I was. Leg 4 has a short course and a long course. After one of the check points, I was told it was 5 km until the next check point, and to do the long course I needed to be there by 3:00. I really wanted to do the long course, so at this point I kicked it into a higher gear to try and make the cut off. I slip-slided through the mud, up hills and down, until I finally reached the river and yet another zip-line crossing. I had made the cut-off with 15 minutes to spare. I was given the option of taking the short course from there, which would take me almost immediately to camp, or the long course, a further 8 or 10 km, up a steep, grueling, muddy hill before descending down into the camp at Villa Carmen. I, of course, opted for the long course and began my trek up the long, long hill. After what seemed a lifetime, I made it to the top of the hill and the final check point before running down through the jungle to the camp. The descending trail was not nearly as treacherous as those we had been travelling on all day, and I was able to actually run my way down. It began getting dark under the canopy of trees, so I pulled out my headlamp to light my way. Finally, I arrived at Villa Carmen.

BtU Jungle - Stage 4 - Mikkel Beisner (146 of 191)

I arrived with a smile on my face and I was happy to be in camp, however, when it came time to put up my hammock, my mental and physical exhaustion finally set in and all I could do was stand there with my hammock in my hands, tears streaming down my face, as it began to rain again. One of my fellow racers saw me standing there, took the hammock out of my hands and told me to go and get myself sorted while he put my hammock up for me. I have never appreciated something so much in my life. It was an awesome gesture and meant so much. So, I handed over the hammock and went to the building that housed the showers. All I could do at that point was to sit down on some steps and drink my Recoverite, tears still streaming. I’m not even sure why I was crying, because it’s not like I hadn’t enjoyed the day. I had enjoyed it, enjoyed the challenge of it, had some fun slipping and sliding around in the mud, loved seeing the changing faces of the jungle. I guess the day had just taken a mental toll on me. I needed to have laser sharp focus the entire day in order to maneuver through the mud while trying to stay on my feet and not go over the edge of the trail, and once it was over the crying was just kind of a release. Kris and other racers stopped by and gave me hugs and pats on the back, everyone completely understanding what a difficult day it had been. Scott, a member of the support crew, even came and took my shoes and socks off for me, and took them to clean the accumulated mud off of them. Everyone was so kind.

Soon though, I collected myself enough to brave the cold shower. I had so much mud on me you couldn’t tell where my shorts ended off and my legs began. I rinsed and scrubbed and got as much off as I could, then made my way to the area where the hot water was available to make and eat my soup. I had no energy left for any kind of chatting, so after eating my dinner I went and found my hammock, put up better than I ever could have done it. I was told that some of the hammock posts were rotten, but not to worry because the ones mine were hung on were sound. I could hear others getting into their hammocks then crashing to the ground as the rotten posts collapsed under the weight. I was so thankful to have finished this day and be warm and snug in my hammock, and fell asleep listening to the rain falling once again.

BtU Jungle - Stage 4 - Mikkel Beisner (177 of 191)

Stage 5

We had already been told the previous day that due to unsafe trail conditions, stage 5 would be shortened to 70k, and everyone would complete it in one day. There was also to be a short-course option, the actual distance heavily debated after the event was over. My feeling is it was around 50k, but really it didn’t matter.

We started early, in the dark, running down the road and through the town where we would eventually finish. People were out in the dark cheering for us as we ran past, which was really amazing. Soon we came to our final zip-line crossing, after which we took a turn into the jungle. This was all new territory for me because in the previous year there had been a bit of vandalism, and trail markers had been removed. I, along with 9 or so others had taken the wrong route and ended up lost for a time, after which the course we rerouted due to unsafe river conditions. Because of this, I had no idea what to expect for the rest of the stage. I did know that in the description it said there were 50 river crossings on this stage so when I got to the river and saw the marker on the other side, I was not too surprised. What did surprise me though, was how deep the river was! That first crossing was nearly neck deep for me. Since I didn’t realize how deep it would be, I did not take off my backpack or remove any of my day’s food from the pockets. I did have my snacks in zip-lock bags, but I guess the week’s worth of jostling around had made little holes in the bags, so my snacks ended up full of river water. Nothing I could do about this, I would deal with it later.

After I got across the river and to a trail marker a little further down, the bank suddenly got very steep and unpassable, so the route crossed back over the river to the other side again. And again. And again. All 50 river crossings took place zig-zagging over the same stretch of river. Back and forth, back and forth. The depth of the river varied from knee deep rapids to places where swimming was necessary. Afterwards, my friend Dale told me his favourite line from the day was me saying “When they said 50 river crossings, they didn’t say we’d just going back and forth over the same f***ing river!” Finally the river crossings came to an end. I was cold, soaked, and my shoes and socks were filled with sand. At the next check-point I stopped and emptied my shoes and changed my socks so as not to get a blister from having all that grit in my shoes. When the medics at the check-point saw what had become of my nutrition for the day, they gathered up some of their own snacks and gave them to me so that I would be able to finish the stage. I was so appreciative.

After leaving the river, the course wound its way through jungle single track, creek crossings, and roads wandering through beautiful farmland. There was a cut-off of 3:00 for the long course, and while part of me really wanted to make the cut-off, another part of me was saying it was ok if I didn’t make it. As it turns out, I did not make it, missing it by less than 30 minutes, and of course in hind sight I think I could have pushed it and made it and done the long course. However, I did not. By all accounts, the long course was extremely hilly and difficult and people at the end were telling me I should be glad I didn’t do it, but I can’t help but feel disappointed that I didn’t get the chance. Oh well…next time?

When I finally got to the cut-off checkpoint and heard there were only 5 km to go, I suddenly got a big burst of energy and ran most of the way in. Crossing the bridge and coming into the town of Pilcopata, there were people cheering and showing me the way. Finally I could see the banners and Kris was waiting at the line, giving me a big hug before someone handed me the biggest bottle of beer I had ever seen. I had done it, finished the Jungle Ultra for the second time. So far, I am the only person who has completed it twice, which makes me immensely proud. This race is hard…really hard, but also wonderful and beautiful and the whole experience was so much fun.

BtU Jungle - Stage 5 - Mikkel Beisner (29 of 67)

This has turned epic length, so if you have read all the way to the end, congratulations, and thank you! Also thank you to all my friends and family for your unflagging support, because without that I could never have made it to the finish line. Just keep moving forward.

Beautiful photos all by Mikkel Beisner

 

Jungle Ultra Race Report, Part 1

 

A few weeks ago I did this thing called the Jungle Ultra. 230 self supported km spread over 5 stages in the Amazon jungle of Peru. Not only did I do it, I did it for the second time. The race is put on by Kris King and the folks at Beyond the Ultimate, and let me tell you, if you are looking for a fantastic adventure that involves running long distances in an exotic place, this is the race for you!

So, I ran this race last year as well, and I really, really loved it. How I came about doing it the first time is another story for another day. Second time around, it was kind of an accident. You see, it was the deep dark days of a long Canadian winter. I had my usual case of the winter blues, and was looking for something to keep me motivated to get out the door. I was dreaming of warm, tropical places, craving adventure, and just plain old needed something to look forward to. I casually said to David “what if I do the jungle again?” He replied, “Do it if you want to do it, it doesn’t matter to me”. So, I sent a message to Kris asking if there were still spots, thought about it for about 5 minutes, then did the thing and pushed send. Oops, I did it again, accidentally signed up for a race without totally thinking it through.

In the ensuing weeks, I dusted off my backpack and dug my crappy little steam sauna out of storage, and set about training for the jungle yet again. Lots of backpack runs and walks, heat training in the sauna and on my treadmill, dressed for the arctic with heaters blowing hot air at me. When the time finally came, I felt really ready and strangely calm. I knew what was in store for me, yet I wasn’t afraid. I was just ready. So, off I went to Peru.

I arrived in Cusco and spent a couple of days enjoying the city and meeting up with some fellow runners, friends old and new. I enjoyed it, but I was relieved when it was finally time to board the vans and get going. The drive to basecamp was an adventure in itself. Narrow, rough mountain roads in a dodgy van with a driver who seemed to neither know, nor care, about passing rules. Blind hairpin curve? Perfect place to pass. We had a couple of stops along to the way to take in some views and buy snacks in a market, but 5 or so hours later, we arrived at basecamp in the cloud forest.

BtU Jungle - Arrival - Mikkel Beisner (14 of 248)

The cloud forest is a beautiful place, a stunning valley filled with sunlight one minute, clouds the next. Kris was on hand to greet us, and our tents for the night awaited. This was to be the only night we had the luxury of tents…all other nights were spent swinging in our hammocks, which were to be carried on our backs along with all of our other gear. We had a briefing and registration in a nearby lodge, and our gear was checked. The rest of the time at basecamp was spent getting to know our fellow competitors. There was much comparing of gear and talk about how much everything weighed, laughter and banter, but as darkness settled in, so did we, trying to get some sleep before the adventure really began in the morning.

BtU Jungle - Arrival - Mikkel Beisner (113 of 248)

Stage 1

The morning dawned warm and sunny, and there was a lot of nervous excitement . Bags were packed for a final time, breakfasts were choked down, and a band was on hand to add to the excitement. Finally, it was time to go. The route started with a little jaunt down the road, before taking a turn into the forest for a long single track descent through the forest. At times the trail was very steep and technical, but it felt great just to be going! After reaching the bottom of the valley and getting our feet wet for the first time crossing the river, we came to the first checkpoint. Just a quick stop to refill the water, then keep on going. Only now, we were going up. First a very steep section requiring a rope, then up, up, up on big switchbacks, finally coming out at the road. The rest of the leg was a downhill run on those same rough mountain roads we had driven on the day before, a sheer living wall going up on one side, and dropping off on the other. Dozens on waterfalls cascaded across the road at fairly regular intervals, ensuring wet feet for the remainder of the day. I knew the road was coming, and I had a strategy for it. Run 1000 steps, then walk and take water and occasionally food. Repeat. Counting steps is not for everyone, but it works for me. It keeps my mind off everything else, I don’t think about if my feet hurt, or I’m tired, or whatever else. I just count and enjoy the rhythm of it, and it keeps me going. Before I knew it (really! I was surprised by it) I arrived at Cock of the Rock, the camp for the night. Cock of the Rock has two hammock stations…one up a short steep hill that is covered over, and the other at the bottom of the hill, out in the open. As it was starting to rain, I was happy to be able to secure a spot in the covered over place. Cold showers were available, and hot water for making food, so after I got my hammock set up, I braved the cold shower, then made my ramen noodles and chatted with other runners while eating and relaxing, all huddled under cover out of the rain. Darkness comes early in the jungle, and with the darkness, its time to climb into the hammocks and drift off to sleep to the sound of the nearby river, and the rain on the roof.

BtU Jungle - Stage 1 - Mikkel Beisner (261 of 431)

Stage 2

Funny thing about stage 2. After completing the jungle last year, I really had no recollection of stage 2. I remembered starting, and finishing, but really nothing in between. So, stage 2 was going to be a surprise for me this year. The funny thing is, even after just doing it a mere 3 weeks ago, I really still only have the vaguest memory of this stage. Weird, right? What I do know, is that after leaving Cock of the Rock on the road, we made our way into the jungle, travelling first on a slippery, rocky trail that was a little bit treacherous and had a lot of water. After that we moved onto single track trails, I think. It was a lot of fun ups and downs, and a nice hike up the middle of a rocky stream. Along this stage is where we saw the enormous, beautiful iridescent Blue Morpho butterflies which inspired the tattoo I have on my leg. My tattoo is pretty, but nothing compared to the real thing. There was mud and water and trails, and it was hot. Really hot. I had done my heat training though, so the heat was not really an issue for me. I knew at the finish line for the stage was a beautiful bathing spot in the nice, cool river. Though my memory of the stage is vague, I do know that as I crossed the finish line I said “that was so fun”, which for some reason made everyone around me laugh. Maybe everybody did not find it as fun as I did? I was asked if I wanted shade first, or to go directly to the river. I opted for the river, as I had been anticipating it the entire day, and it was as lovely and cool as I had been hoping for. After cooling off and rinsing off in the river, it was off to the hammock stations to set up camp for the night. The sun was still shining hot and bright, so I hung up my clothes with the hope that they could dry a little bit before dark. One of the worst things is putting on those cold, wet clothes in the morning because nothing really ever dries in the jungle. I skipped the cold shower since I had rinsed off in the river, so it was on to getting some food and rehashing the day’s events. Some people had feet that were in pretty bad shape by now, but thankfully mine were fine. I did have a little chafing starting on my lower back from a seam in my shorts, but one of the fine folks from Exile Medics taped it up for me to keep it getting any worse. As I climbed into my hammock, the sun was still shining and it was sweltering hot, but before long, the sun when down and the air became cooler, so I wriggled into my sleeping bag and off to sleep I went.

BtU Jungle - Stage 1 - Mikkel Beisner (386 of 431)

Stay tuned for Part 2….

All photos taken by the talented Mikkel Beisner

Maybe…

So, one may ask, how does one “accidentally” become an ultra runner? It certainly was the last thing on my mind that day when I took my first running steps. I never thought to myself “I’m going to become a runner so I can go on epic adventures and run crazily long distances in exotic places”. I just didn’t want to be fat anymore. That’s it. That’s all I wanted. It was a means to an end. But, as they say, a funny thing happened along the way. First of all, running didn’t magically make me not fat anymore. That was, and still is, a journey in its own right. Certainly it helped me along that journey, but really it was just a small part of it. That’s a story for a different day. The funny thing that happened was this little thing called “maybe I could”. Like, maybe I could run all the way from home to the top of the hill. Then much, much later, maybe I could run a marathon. Just maybe. So, I tried, and I did. Was it easy? No. Did I love every minute of the training? Really no.. I think one thing people think about runners is that we love running all the time. We don’t. Sometimes its really hard. Sometimes we feel lazy, we feel tired, its too hot out, its too cold out, I’d rather sleep, whatever it may be. Running is not fun all the time. It is fun and good just enough of the time to keep us coming back for more. I have a real love/hate relationship with running.

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Anyway, back to the marathon. I persevered. I delayed it for a whole year because I got injured, but in the end, I did it. It was awful and wonderful all at the same time. The minute I was done, I was like, “what’s next?” So, I had heard about this thing called triathlon. A little seed was growing in the back of my mind. “Maybe I could do one of those” I thought. I knew nothing about it, but I was intrigued. So, I dusted off my 20 year old mountain bike, went to the pool a few times, and signed up for not one, but two sprint triathlons on back to back weekends. Well, those were also awful/wonderful. I felt horribly intimidated by all the fast people in their fast wetsuits and by all the slick, fast bikes in the transition area, but whatever, I did it. And when I finished, the first thing I thought was “What’s next?”

CB bike 3

So, with a little bit of “maybe I could” and a lot of “what’s next?”, my journey began meandering its way through road races and triathlons, I did ½ marathons, half-irons, full irons, and a lot of
stuff in between. The “maybe” part always starts with a little seed. Hmm, I heard about this race. No, I couldn’t possibly do that, its too hard. Who would even want
to do that? I’m too slow, I’m too fat, I’m too old, there’s no
way. But wait, maybe I could. Maybe, I might be able to do something like that someday. I actually think that might be possible. Ok, well I guess I will sign up, but I’m still not sure I can. Actually, I think I can. And, for the most part, I did.

Then, one day I said, I wonder if I can do a trail race? I think I can, maybe. So, I signed up for one, “just” a little 30k one, and I did it. And so it went, until, quite by accident, I became an ultra marathoner. And it has taken me on epic adventures running crazily long distances in exotic places. And I love it. And sometimes I hate it. But mostly I love it. Just last week I got home from an epic adventure in the amazon rainforest called the Jungle Ultra. I’m working on a race report, I hope to have it done sometime soon.

When that little seed of a “maybe” gets planted in my brain and starts to grow, I usually listen to it. Even when it scares me. Even when it pushes me far, far out of my comfort zone. Because how do you know unless you try? Maybe you can’t do it, but just maybe you can. When people say “accidents happen”, it is not always a bad thing. Sometimes its aweome. Just keep moving forward.

How I Accidentally Became an Ultra Runner

So, you’ve found your way to my blog. Thank you! I have long since said I don’t think anyone would ever be interested in what I have to say, but others have told me that maybe people would like to hear my story, hear about my adventures, so here I am. For my very first blog entry, I thought I would tell you a little bit about myself, and a little bit about my journey. My name is Carolin, I am a 50 year old mother of 3 gorgeous, independent daughters, and wife to David, my biggest fan and unflagging supporter. We live in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, gateway to my backyard playground of the Canadian Rocky mountains.

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My running journey began 16 or so years ago. I had 3 kids under 6, I was obese and out of shape, and I had decided that I needed to make some changes in order to become the person I wanted to be. So, in my typical fashion, I ruminated on this for some time. “What if I started running”, I thought? “Could I ever be a runner?” “Doubtful”, my mind said. “You don’t have a runner’s body”, I told myself. But, as with most things, this little seed took root, and one day I decided today is the day. Today, I will go for a run. So, I got up in the morning, got dressed in my “running” attire, laced up my shoes, and stepped out the door. After a warm up walk around the corner (out of sight of everyone I knew on my block), I began to run. “This is great!” I thought to myself. I ran and I ran until I started feeling tired and my breathing grew ragged. “I’d better not overdo it on the first day, and really, this is pretty hard” I thought as I ground down to a walk. “Phew, that was awesome!.” I looked at my watch to see how long I’d been running, sweat pouring down my face. Two minutes, said my watch. “Two minutes? That can’t be right, it’s been at least 20” I said, tapping the face of my digital watch to make sure it hadn’t stopped. “Well, two minutes is better than nothing, I’ll do better tomorrow.”

 

Fast forward to tomorrow. I wake up in the morning and leap out of bed (not), OMG, what happened to my legs??? I can’t sit on the toilet, I can’t walk down the stairs, I think I am dying!!! However, that, like everything else in life, passed. I kept on going for the 2-minute, then 5-minute, then 10-minute, and longer runs. On a banner day, some months later, I ran all the way from my house to the top of a hill 2.5 km away WITHOUT STOPPING!!! It was a breakthrough day for me, and I still remember doing a little victory dance at the top of that hill.

 

Now, 16 years later I have made it to the top of that hill countless times. I am no longer obese, though my weight is still something I struggle with each and every day. My journey has taken me through marathons and Ironman triathlons, and has settled, for the current moment at least, on trail races and Ultra-marathons. It has not always been easy, I have not loved it every day. Some days are a struggle to get off the couch and lace up my shoes, but most days, I make the effort and manage to get out the door. I never expected to be an ultra-runner. Had you asked me 16 years ago if I would ever run a race of 50k, I would have said, “no, I am a fat, lazy, housewife. You must be insane if you think I could ever do such a thing.” Yet, here I am having done that and more. I never expected this to happen, it just did. I still don’t have that “runner’s body”, yet I have discovered that this body I do have is capable of so much more than I ever thought it could be. It has led me on some amazing adventures, and yes, it runs. Not quickly, not with agility or grace, but it runs. It gets me there. I keep pushing it to see where its limits lie, but so far I have not found those limits. They are out there somewhere, and I will keep looking for them, one race at a time, one adventure at a time, one step at a time. The journey continues. Just keep moving forward.